I Live for Ecstasy

“People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances with our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.” Joseph Campbell

Rapture is Ecstatic Joy.

I often hear,
“I couldn’t do what you’re doing.”

Whether single mothering or
sculpting vulvas or
producing “sex” parties or
giving my son for adoption
and living with his Mamas,
it seems my choices are difficult to understand.

They wonder how I can willingly invite
big emotions into my life –
especially grief.
People are terrified of grief,
scared they will break.

I make the choices I do
because I know grief cannot break me,
whether it comes from a death or a birth.

I make the choices I do
because I am awake to my search
for aliveness over meaning.

I feel the rapture of being alive
each day that I face my choice
to give my son to another woman.

I feel the rapture of being alive
every time our son giggles
as any of us play with him.

I feel the rapture of being alive
even when jealousy rears up
because he seeks out his Mom instead of me.

I feel the rapture of being alive
every moment my Mama-Partners’ faces
are alight in love and joy.

I feel the rapture of being alive
in every gift of my Heart to another.

I feel the rapture of being alive
with every loss that comes with giving my heart away.

This is what my soul is ravenous for.
This is what my life is for.

I live for ecstasy.

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