Radical Mysticism through Relationship

Transformation Card from the Universal Tarot by M. Miller
Transformation Card from the Universal Tarot by M. Miller

“Intimate relationship is arguably the twenty-first century’s ashram. It’s not, however, a retreat or refuge from everyday life, but a transformational growth center located in the very midst of it, offering experiential courses in whatever generates and deepens intimacy, courses uniquely fitting for those entering its domain.

Its goal is not transcendence, but full-spectrum intimacy, not only with your partner, but also with all that you are — dark and light, high and low, petty and noble, deep and shallow.

If you are seeking transformation, you need look no further than doing what it takes to fully be in such relationship. This is a great undertaking that asks much of us, and gives back more than we can imagine.

The path isn’t neatly laid out, because we, with our partner{s}, are cocreating it as we deepen our intimacy, stepping into and embracing a trailblazing mutuality, without having to know where we’re going.

Implicit in this is a rare trust, an ongoing, shared willingness to bring not only our very best to the relationship, but also to expose our worst — not to be acted out or otherwise indulged in, but to be faced and integrated and related to in ways that serve our relationship. Nothing in us gets left out — it’s all part of our relationship. This is more than possible when — through our work on ourselves — our relationship becomes both sanctuary and crucible, a place of deep healing, care, life-enhancing challenge, and a love that pervades all that we are.” Robert Augustus Masters

Intimate relationship has always been one of my primary interests in life. I started reading Leo Buscaglia’s Love books when I was 15. While I spent years in unhealthy relationship patterns due to the environment I was raised in, I was always motivated by a desire to experience deep, healthy, abiding love with others. Not just with one life partner, but with family and friends as well. Community relationship. I could feel the potential in love that went well beyond our infatuations, romances, and attractions; beyond our traumas, dramas, and defensive patterns; beyond everything our culture says is intimate relationship in the 21st century.

I also felt relationship could be a spiritual, healing practice. However, while every relationship I had gave me opportunities to grow and heal, many of them also came with a hell of a lot of hurt. Often I was in the crucible, trying to heal, and my partners were in the shallows, interested more in fun, sex and comfort than conscious evolution. They provided the burn for my refinement, but they did not desire to go through the refinement process with me in order to refine themselves or the relationship.

Until Camille and Jen, my partners in the Impropriety Society. Although they were business partners, they were willing to work to get to the love, with each other and with others in the community. Our partnership refined all of us in profound ways, and built the foundation for this precious family we’re nurturing.

Then I discovered the jewel in the heart of my fiance, Eros, and he showed me his willingness to work to get to the love. We have healed significant aspects of our ourselves within the crucible of our relationship, especially through the pregnancy and adoption. We have grown immensely as individuals, and grown our relationship into something neither of us really believed was possible.

I now strive to approach all of my relationships as a mystical experience, as a way to dance with God. Instead of looking for God in an ashram, temple or church, I look for God in the people I love.  And I’m striving to look for God in everyone I interact with, directly or indirectly. Perhaps you could say the world is my temple and the 7+ billion people on it are my teachers.

The God of Life, the Spark that connects All That Is, is innate in all of us. It’s the sparkle in our atoms that communicate with each other. It’s the consciousness that animates life in ways we have yet to understand. And maybe we never will. Maybe that’s part of the experience we’re here to have, faith in the unseen. Maybe if we figured it all out we’d be bored and have no where else to go with our evolution as part of this ever expanding, increasingly complex Universe.

Whatever God really looks like, it’s finding this meaning in my experiences that keeps me resilient. I’ve had more than my fair share of traumas that could have broken me. It’s my experience of God, no matter what shape it’s taken (the Father of Christianity, the Mother of Paganism, the Consciousness of the Universe, my Beloved), that has allowed me to turn every trauma into something beautiful. It’s my work in psycho-spiritual development that has created the emotional health, joy and peace I now experience nearly all the time.

2 Comments

  1. Yes, so much yes to this. Love your writing, the vulnerability, the honesty. The study and practice of Tantra is the closest I have come to the experience of divinity in relationship. I agree, it is unlike any other path in both its rewards and punishments. For this reason in my yogic tradition it is known as the left hand path and the governing goddess is Kali. She who wears a necklace of skulls around her neck to symbolize the egos of men who have been broken attempting to walk this path. I was once married in a Kali temple in India, I’ve added my head to that necklace more than once, and each time I lose my head in love and set my skull once more upon Kali’s necklace I become more free. So missing all of you here in Humboldt. What the IMP’s brought is not likely to be replicated. For many of us our appreciation has only increased with the passing of time. Thank you for sharing the remarkable journey you all have been on in creating your remarkable poly leather family.

    1. Thank you, Dave, for the kind words and your sharing. You might remember from my last blogging adventure that Kali is much a part of my journey as well. The image I included here reminds me of her. I just keep burning down to the essentials. <3

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *